the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
