i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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