I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
