she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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