I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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