he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
