I puked a lego.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
