shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
