lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
