you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Panties = found
Randomize
