i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
