so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
