Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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