Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
