I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
