One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize