Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
