Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
