Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
