i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
