I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
