please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
