my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
