Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
