somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
