would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
