Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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