I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize