Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
