we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
