Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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