Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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