I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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