What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
