Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
