that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize