im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
