Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
