Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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