everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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