i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
