So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
