yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
