I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
