I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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