Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Apparently you make a good broom.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
