How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
