I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Randomize