i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
