I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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