last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
