I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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