Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize