I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
