grandma shit on top of the toilet
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
