you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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