if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
