For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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