i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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