I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
