So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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