my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
