matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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