No awkward lesbian experiences without me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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