If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
