i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize