i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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