You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
