You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
