I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
